It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
