I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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