there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
