FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
