Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
