You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
