Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
