I think I am morally bankrupt
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
