if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The adults are the big ones right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
