my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
