she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
