The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize