if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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