Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
