he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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