Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
