dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
