if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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