Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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