I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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