The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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