I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
