Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize