? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
