drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found the puke drawer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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