dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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