Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
