I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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