we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
