Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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