Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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