Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
