11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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