At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
