Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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