I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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