New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
