sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
