Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
