I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just cropdusted the office
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
