operation harelip BJ is a go
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
