new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
