So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
