real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
