We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
