Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
