Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
