He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am spending my child support on dildos
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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