She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
