And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
