My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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