margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize