I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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