I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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