So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
