I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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