Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i barfeds in our rink
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
