so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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