She's JV to your varsity
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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