You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
