my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
