Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
