I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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