Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize