ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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