they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
