Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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